Girlfriends -- This Says it All
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't call when they say they will.
Colleagues forget favors.
Girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how
many miles are between you.
A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have
to walk it by yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim,
cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on
your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you.
Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, daughter-in-laws, sisters, sisters-in-law,
mother, mother-in-law, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without them, and neither would I.
When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no
idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead.
Nor did we
know how much we would need each other.
Every day, we need each other still.
There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about. For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover. In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted doilies and a stack of money totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doily."
The little old man was so moved, he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doilies, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the doilies.
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength
I'll beat him to death.
Marriage ( Parts I - 6 )
Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
> > >
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads,
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.' "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." He asked, "In bed this early, doing what?" She said, "Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
MARRIAGE ( PART V)
THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
THE END !
The Last Things Any Man Would Ever Say -- Q and A
While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Sometimes I just want to be held.
We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
The heck with Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
I think we are lost, we better pull over ands ask for directions.
Q : What must a woman do when a man is running around in circles?
A : Reload and carry on shooting.
Q : Why can't men get Mad Cow Disease?
A : Because it only attacks the brain.
Q : What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A : A rumor
Q : A couple are lying in bed. The man says "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world"
A : The woman says : "I will surely miss you"
Q : What takes longer to make - a snowman or snowwoman?
A : The snowman, because you have to hollow out the head first.
New Drugs for Women
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
Click on thumbnails to enlarge
5Back to top of page5 Midi Music: When I'm Sixty-Four